


colored lights (please don’t walk away from me)

by nightskywithrainbows (orphan_account)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Battle of Hogwarts, Casually Gay, Dumbledore's Army, F/F, Gay, Near Death, POV Lesbian Character, St Mungo's Hospital, these are kids ok, they should not be fighting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-05
Updated: 2020-10-05
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:41:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26830831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/nightskywithrainbows
Summary: A child on a battlefield, walking towards the burning light- so close to it, so close to death, but then she screams and I am back. Can you hear me, love? Are you here, my love?Or: I decided to write aboutt death for no reason and then I made it ✨gay✨ And also Harry Potter
Comments: 2
Kudos: 4





	colored lights (please don’t walk away from me)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Flannelandcookies](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flannelandcookies/gifts).



> Ok this is a mess but it was so great to write and I really enjoyed it. I hope you do too. In case you didn’t see the tags: this is technically Katie Bell/Susan Bones but really I just needed a lesbian couple of witches and they just always gave me gay vibes, so...
> 
> Also! This is for flannelandcookies who is truly wonderful and puts up with my crazy. Ily my dude 💗

Foggy background, a misty floor. Is this a veil or is it more? Lights twist through my vision, and my mind is undone. 

My mind is undone, and I don’t care, and I’m not important right now. I simply exist, I can only exist, looking at the colored lights

Rainbow at the end of the tunnel, saturating the fog of this hazy nether that has become my reality. Strands of blinding beauty twisting in and out and around, and I take a step. Continue to walk. One step, right after the other, and the closer i get the brighter it is, the closer i get the more pain i feel, it burns, it’s burning, help me-

And in the pain, in the burn, in the pain of the end, I ask is it good or is it bad or is it the truth which is neither, simply power and intent. Who controls this, no control here, and it burns. 

It burns it all away, pain and love and loss and life. 

Could I be happy now?

And then I hear a voice.

The voice is unhappy. That isn’t right. I blink. That isn’t right either. Turn my nonexistent head away from the hellish heaven awaiting. 

Now the voice is sobbing, and there is crying, and I hear a scream. 

The fog is fading, fade to blackness, and the absence of the colored light is burning me farther. 

Another scream joins the cacophony, faint and pitiful and a weak moan that says “I don’t know what is happening, and I don’t know how to scream, but god it hurts, help me-”

And now I hear the voice, it trembles, crystallizing somewhere in my field of hearing. 

“Oh- oh my god, oh my god, love come back, don’t walk away, I’m so sorry, i’m here, please don’t go, i love you i love you i love you, oh my god, please don’t walk away from me, you have to be okay-”

And now the voice is sobbing.

Heart wrenching sobs, how are they breathing through that constricting release?

I realize I’m not breathing either. I suddenly want to change that. 

So I take a deep inhale, so sharp it burns and stings and takes my newfound breath away, and the last of the colored lights fade. 

A lot of things fade. 

But there is a face above me, sobbing again, and arms around me, embracing again, and this person who is the center of my universe is saying through her sobs:

“Oh- oh, love, you’re here, i am so sorry, i was so scared, you’ll be okay, you’ll be okay, you’re here i love you you’re here……”

And then it fades to nothing.

_____

I wake to lights uncolored. 

Monochrome aches instead of blindingly saturated pain. 

There is a steady hum, a few light beeps, voices in the background. 

A hand presses into mine. 

And I slip back to nothing.

_____

  
When I wake, for real this time, everything is similarly different. 

My love, this perfect complex person who holds my heart in her hands sleeps next to me. She’s slumped on a chair, neck awkwardly bent, skin around her mouth creased into a frown. Her brows are furrowed, she twitches in her sleep, and there are bags beneath her eyes. 

There’s no one else in the room. 

For an infinite moment, I’m content to lay there and let her lay, let my mind wander, before it comes back to whatever colorful reality it left. But the ache slowly returns, and it builds until I realize it is stinging in a place I can’t name, it manifests in my chest and fingers and hands and heart, and god it hurts, and now my breath is coming in gasps, and the woman next to me jerks awake. 

“Holy _shit_ Sue, are you okay, you scared me, how are you feeling.”

This comes out in a rush, and I blink at her in confusion. 

“I’m so sorry. Are you in pain?”

As she asks, I become aware that in fact I still am in pain, and so I give a small nod and bite back a grimace. 

“Okay, I have to go get the healer, I’ll be right back, I love you.”

She moves to walk away but I make a sound, what I’m sure is a pitiful, pathetic noise, but she can’t leave me yet, she just _can’t_. 

I try to move my arm, to touch her, hold her, but I am suspended by cooling, relaxing magic, covering me like a blanket. 

She reaches through and touches my hand, and my mind fades back to now. 

It’s a mess, a muddle like before, only now I am aware of it all. 

My thought process goes something like this: _god, this is Katie, is she okay, I missed her, we were in a battle and she was protecting children and I was killing people and she was going to be hit, so I moved to her, flew to her, I couldn’t let her hurt, but_ protego _didn’t work, and now I’m here._

And I’m gasping, but nothing is moving or working right, and she is clearly worried, but I don’t want her to leave me, she can’t leave me or I will fly right back into whatever place I just escaped. 

I hear noises behind me, Katie’s face darts up, she is saying words, she is saying things, she is looking panicked, and then she is moved away and there are other faces and wands and I am gasping and the light fades again. 

_____

In and out and in and out and around and I wake to her voice with a gasp. If I could, I would sit right up, bolt straight up, for we were in a battle and I have to _protect_ and _kill_ and _Katie-_

But I calm my breathing, in and out, and the white walls remind me that here _there are no brick walls, no rubble on the ground or fire in the air, no children at your back, or schoolmates on the ground. There are no silver masks and black robes, you are safe._

And once I am still and my heart rate settles, I can look over into her worried, tired eyes, and I smile because she is here, so tired and broken but _alive._

She seems hesitant to speak, and so I start. “Hi, Kate-” My voice cracks. She quickly reaches for the water on the table next to me that I didn’t notice, murmuring apologies and saying “drink, Sue, you’re okay.”

I wonder if she is telling me or herself.

**Author's Note:**

> Just a note: I am not working very hard on this. It will likely be continued, but it’s not a priority as of now.


End file.
